Dilia Jelen has spent more than a decade working with children in orphanages and with survivors of abuse and trafficking, for eight years as a full-time volunteer across 29 countries. She is also one of Christina Weber's oldest friends: they met around the first Feminine Weapon Day, the annual benefit Christina founded for children's education, art, and healing programs. In episode 62 of Christina's podcast, Dilia talked openly about a divorce that took everything she knew, the three years it took to heal, and the very different love she built afterward. This guide sums up what she learned. Quotes are from the episode transcript, lightly edited for readability.
Divorce changes you, even a good one
Dilia's divorce left her starting over financially from zero. The one thing she kept was the apartment she'd had for 17 years. The work she loved, which she had done alongside her husband, ended with the marriage. It happened as the pandemic arrived, so she did what many people do: she got very quiet.
She doesn't sugarcoat it. "For those of you who have ever been through divorce, even if you have the most healthy divorce, it is something that just shifts you and changes you in a way that you can't really ever prepare for." For her, "it took me a good three years to heal completely."
She also made a choice about timing. She didn't want to bring what she called her "broken self" to the children she serves. "I think it's really important for us who are aware and conscious to do all the work that we possibly can on ourselves to get ourselves whole." The same instinct shaped how she came back to love.
Transparency is not optional
The biggest lesson Dilia took from her first marriage was about honesty. She wants people to know "how important it is to be completely transparent in relationship, and honest a hundred percent, and that there's no way a relationship can win if those things aren't there."
In her marriage, money was never discussed. Christina named the pattern she sees often, especially in second relationships where one partner has a lot to lose: "We're so scared to lose it that we then withhold, and we're secretive." Dilia agreed, and added that the fear is usually invented. "A lot of the time it's just something we create in our head." No amount of therapy helps, she said, if you don't get out of your own way: "Your fear will always take you over, and the beauty in your life will always go away."
In her new marriage, money talk came early and plainly. When her partner moved to New York to try life in her world, she covered them both for a couple of months until his work picked up. They had less than she'd had before, and it felt like more. "It's just so important to really come together and to just share, and to become a team with your partner."
Don't bring the old relationship into the new one
Dilia met her now-husband a few months after she separated. She wasn't looking. "When we met I was totally broken, and I said no to any kind of relationship." They talked on the phone for hours a day as friends. When he proposed early, she told him she couldn't marry him, and later she let him go entirely while she went through a very hard stretch. She called him again about a year later, healthier, and it was obvious what they had.
What she did differently was refuse to make the new relationship pay for the old one. "I could have had all these fears of everything I'd been through. I chose to not bring my past into this beautiful, fresh, new relationship. I wanted it to have its own life and its own discovery."
Her warning for anyone dating again after a long relationship: "When we get hurt and we live really hard things, we tend to bring a lot of our lessons with us. But sometimes they don't serve us. Sometimes they hinder us, and they might keep us from the relationship that we should be in."
Stay open to the person you'd have ruled out
Her husband is 14 years younger than she is. At first, she says, "my mind would never have entertained that." What changed her mind was who he was: educated, with several careers, taking care of his family, "this whole, complete person." Having dated across ages, cultures, and industries, her conclusion is simple: "Sure, there are some stereotypes, but the fact of the matter is, we are all individuals."
For anyone back on the dating market after years away, that's a useful nudge. The rules you made at 25 about who fits may not be the ones that serve you now.
Back-to-back love
Dilia had always been the caretaker in her relationships, "the nurse for every partner I've ever had." In this one she is cared for too, and the balance feels equal. She described it with an image she credits to Alejandro Jodorowsky: a healthy love doesn't have to be face to face and all-consuming. It can be two people sitting back to back, supporting each other, connected, and still living their own lives. "A divine love doesn't need to change anything about the other. It just loves." Their rule, she said: "It is never to control or take one another over. It's always just to support."
And she wants people who've been hurt to hear this: "All human beings, even if we haven't gotten it right in relationships in the past, we all deserve this kind of love, this equal, supportive love."
How this fits WeDeepen's approach
Dilia's story lines up with WeDeepen's premise that love is a trainable skill, and with the Four Pillars: you own your own experience, all feelings are welcome, and growth comes first. Taking time to heal, choosing honesty about money and fear, and refusing to let the past write the next chapter are all things you can practice. For more on starting again, read how to start dating again after divorce. If you're back in the dating world after a long relationship, WeDeepen's membership for dating again gives you live sessions with relationship experts and a community to practice with, starting with a free trial. You can also meet people in person at Love Immersion in Austin. Come play with us.
FAQ
Who is Dilia Jelen?
Dilia Jelen works with children in orphanages and with survivors of abuse and trafficking around the world, and is a longtime friend of WeDeepen founder Christina Weber and of Feminine Weapon Day.
How long did it take Dilia to heal after her divorce?
About three years, she said. She describes divorce, even a healthy one, as something that changes you in ways you can't prepare for.
What was her biggest lesson from her first marriage?
Complete transparency, including about money. In her view, a relationship can't work without full honesty, and fear of loss is what makes people withhold.
How did she approach her new relationship differently?
She chose not to bring her past fears into it, talked openly about finances, and treated her partner as a teammate. She also stayed open to someone she would once have ruled out.
Where can I listen to the full episode?
Episode 62 is on the WeDeepen podcast page, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube.